In anthropological terms Jim was my "ficitive" uncle. He was adopted into the family and I grew up knowing him in my everyday life. In church terms he was my brother, emotionally close to me so that in times of personal despair he was there to give his famous hugs that everyone has mentioned. However, in my terms he has always been a friend, someone I could talk to about the mundane things of life or the more spiritual concerns that I had trouble understanding.
I placed a lot of responsibility on him, by assuming he would be there every Sunday at church. And if I was lucky enough we would get into a conversation and I would miss some of relief society. Of course during these discussions I focused on the superficial aspect of missing boring "mom talk." It wasn't until later reflection that his words of wisdom and humor were much more beneficial to me in my development. Not all our talks revolved around church doctrine, in fact many were about being in relationships, careers, life after high school, taking advantage of the opportunities of college, and an old favorite of his, bad western movies.
For instance, when in a relationship communication is necessary and no matter how angry I got (he knew I had a bad temper even called me "mean girl") I should always discuss how I feel. His most famous piece of advice, that I hear ringing in my ears every time I think about my life after college and whether to pursue my guilty pleasure of writing or a more serious study, was get a job that pays well, that you can support yourself and if need be your family. It had always been my belief to follow your heart and dream big and it still is, but as that time of graduation is looming ever closer and my loans will be called in, I realize that sometimes to be able to do your extra curricular activities, like writing, I have to work for it. I remember his story of how he was an electrical engineer, but in order to support his family he chose insurance. Such sacrifice is proof of his character and how much more of life he understood that his priorities never held his own interests before others. It has taken me many years to understand that but I value it all more. It didn't matter that I didn't like westerns, Jim nevertheless brought it up at least 1 out of 3 conversations we had. Asking me each time if I had watched Smokey and the Bandit or something like that. He was shocked and probably disappointed each time I answered "what movie, what actor?" Even though I had never seen the movies or hold them in such regard I was fascinated with his notions on the themes or his descriptions of plot and characters. His passion and excitement almost made me want to see the movies myself. I remember one time while over at the Cecil's for a family dinner, he offered to let me borrow one of his favorites, as tempted as I was I declined.
Besides these general memories there are many specific ones, all of which bring smiles. However, the most memorable was in the not so distant past. I was a senior and had been hanging out with Bryce Whitehead and we considered each other friends. One Sunday Mary came over to me after sacrament and invited me over for dinner that evening. They were having the Whiteheads over and Bryce had agreed to come and the ever thoughtful Cecil's thought Bryce would feel more comfortable and enjoy the evening if there was someone else his age there, and since we had been hanging out they thought I would fit the bill. I accepted and that evening went over for a traditional Lebanese dinner, which was by far one of the best dinners I've ever had. I had been apprehensive that I would have nothing to add to the conversation and look like an ungrateful guest. However, within minutes of sitting down I was engrossed with the stories of both the Cecil's and Whiteheads. Poor Bryce barely benefited from my presence I don't think I paid him any attention. It is my most fond memory because it was a chance to converse with the Cecil's without mom or dad to hog all their attention. I learned about their history, their silly stories, and adventures they have had.
Jim was someone that has been to every major event in my life from my name blessing to my graduation party. I always envisioned him being a guest at my wedding. Those times that every girl goes through of imagining the details of her wedding I counted on my fingers the people I would invite, besides the required family, Cecil's followed shortly after. He was my reference for every job application I filled and I felt a twinge of pride as I filled in "business owner" under occupation. He was closer to me and knew more about me than most of my real uncle's. He was a shoulder I knew I could lean on, and his five minute hug at Natalie's funeral was one that sustained me through the days. It is hard to accept that he has gone from this fleshy existence, but I know he has his arm around my shoulder supporting me.
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